As of today, I'm a vegetarian! I was previously for 2 years, and ended it just about half a year ago. I wasn't a "healthy vegetarian" though, i would eat tons of carbs and cheese and bread to sustain myself, but now that I'm healthy AND cutting out carbs, there should be maximum results! At least that's what I'm thinking!
http://anaregzig.blogspot.com/- "The recipe for a regular healthy person is this: take the number of your current weight in pounds and cut that in half- that's the number of OUNCES of water you should drink in a day. For someone who is fasting, I say double that." I MUST try to do this. I need to drink more water! I can feel my teeth rotting from all the Diet Coke and Coke Zero (WHATS THE DIFFERENCE?) that i'm drinking. I must cut down! Water sustains life. It's the best thing that you can put in your body, and I want to nourish my body with what sustains it.
I feel like I'm at a plateau, and going nowhere. Like I don't know what to do as my next step. I'm lost in the comfort of what has been (binging, and eating whatever the fuck i want and not caring, aka being a fatass), and the scariness of the unknown (diet, excersize, starvation...etc). I have some sorting out to do. Meanwhile, my brother is getting his fucking life in ORDER! He's taking control and sorting out his problems and digging deep. He's working out all his shit and going to AA and really getting ahold of his life again. I watch him and I'm jealous. I'm jealous that he's found his purpose and his direction, and his knoledge. I want to be that in touch with myself, but the truth is that I don't know what I want at ALL. I obviously am so proud of him for getting cleaned up and getting the help he deserves. I hope that he follows through and lives the life he wants too, but got blinded from before. (wow did i get off track, jeeeeez!)
I'm sad and scared to admit this, but before i started this "diet", i was close to 200 pounds. 200 pounds of pure fat lard and grossness. I don't know how much i've lost (still no scale), but i surely feel better than i did before- not good enough though! But anyway, from being close to 200 lbs, i have stretch marks. Their gross and shameful. I'm so embarressed and self conscious about them, especially in bathing suits, because their right around my hips. Well my cousin was visiting the beach, and he's 10. We were walking to the ocean and he said, "what are those things on your hips? are those scratches?" and I was SO embarressed and caught off guard (ugh, it sucks to even think about it) so i said, "uh, yeah" and he said, "howd you get them?" of course i thought 'from being a fat ass'. but i said, "I dunno." because i really just wanted the conversation topic to end. He said, "you just woke up one day and they were there?" and went on and on! It made me feel even worse about them than I had before. I hate that people notice them and stare at them. I hate that they'll probably scar my skin forever, a constant reminder of how fat and disgusting my body is. Great.
I'm done for now.
~baby steps~
Intake:
Calories-
Snacks: Peanuts:94 cals; Buffalo Wing Pretzels (ugh):110 cals (WHY though)
Dinner: Veggie Burger:70 cals; Carrot Sticks:20 cals
Excersize-
Swimming, 40 minutes, leisurely:284 cals burnt
Net-
10 cals.
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