~Perception~

I was on the computer the other day on Tumblr and AIM talking to my friend Max. I came across this image on tumblr (reblogged by one of the thinspo blogs i follow:
sickly-thin.tumblr.com) :

I was just looking at her legs and thinking that I wish I was as skinny as that. I sent it to Max and said "omg" in a 'how is she that skinny what im jealous' kind of way. He responded, "ew. not cute." and i just kind of played along and said "just how." and he said "starvation"

And i was envious of her...

It's weird how other people's perceptions of things are so different than your own.

Even how people view themselves- like their self image- and then how other people see you. It's like I can never know what people think about me! When they look at me, I know they judge me, because that's the kind of world we live in. But what do they say? Do they say I'm too fat or too tall or whatever else? It makes me feel very self conscious and embarressed and I always feel like I'm being watched and labeled and judged. [[["I'm sorry boys and girls, but you will be judged and labeled your entire life. No if's and's or but's." -Anarbor]]] I guess when you think people are judging every move you make, it makes you review yourself harder. Kind of like "what can i do to please them? how can i change so they'll say nicer things about me?" At least that's what I find myself thinking. There's a quote like "It's not you that's ugly, its society." or something like that. There's obvious truth in that, but it doesn't mean that snickers and pointed fingers aren't hurtful.

~~~~"While you're pointing fingers, someone else is judging you." -Bob Marleyyy~~~~

I just babbled so much. I'm sitting here in this reclined chair waiting to go out to dinner with my family.....yay..... I'm not looking forward to having to cram a ceasar salad down my throat to appease everyone. I've been eating so bad lately....A couple days ago I nibbled on some waffle fries that my 11 year old sister was having, and later that night had a bowl of ice cream! How could I? WHERE is my self control?!

***on a lighter, and much different note***

I'm slowly realizing I'm interested in Greek Mythology (maybes). I was reading about Greek Mythology and the theory of how soul mates came to be. The theory is that our ancestors once had 4 arms, 4 legs, and one head with two faces. Zeus was scared of these creatures, so he split them in two, condeming them both to a life of searching for the other half that they were once split from.

I just liked that. Thought I'd share it.

Hope everyone has a good night----wish me luck at dinner