I ate two unwanted, unhelpful, unnecessary things today. I was alone this morning, because everyone was out, with a bag of plain bagels. I stomach rumbled and I gave in and ate one. Without cream cheese- JUST bread. JUST carbs. When everyone got back and we were preparing to go to the beach, like normal, my mom asked me if I wanted her to bring me anything for the beach. I said no, like I usually do. But at the beach, there was an extra peanut butter and jelly sandwich that no one wanted or was claiming. So I said I’d eat it. Bleh.

In other news, I’m stopping being a vegetarian. It’s not because it was too hard, or because I was missing meat, it was because of carbs. I am cutting carbs out of my diet, or trying to, and when I gave up meat I started eating more carbs because the vegetarian substitute wasn’t enough to sustain me. I think it’s because I felt deprived that I’ve been cracking and eating carbs, like the two things I messed up today. I’m still going to eat veggie burgers simply because I like them, but not every day. It was just too hard to cut out carbs when I wasn’t eating meat anymore. I think carbs are way more important to be not eating than meat. So, yeah. Back to meat I am.

Here’s what I’m wearing to dinner tonight:

 I didn’t get enough swimming done today to have negative intake calories. I would have, if the day hadn’t suddenly gone cold, and if the clouds didn’t come up and block the sun. Hopefully the weather will revert back to beautiful tomorrow.

Earlier, I was walking out of the bathroom and my grandmother was there. She said, “you’re looking very pretty tonight!” so I said thanks. Then she said, “come give me a hug.” And so when I hugged her she said, “you’re looking lovely, you’re doing very well.” And I just said thank you again. You have to understand, my grandmother is not easily impressed. Actually, she usually gives criticism. Mean criticism. She’s called me fat numerous times and told me to just eat very little to lose weight. For her to be complimenting me is everything. I will not disappoint. I will keep going and losing until she can compliment me with no problem. I will do this. I am doing this.

Intake:

Calories:

Breakfast: Dill Pickle:0 cals; Bagel, Plain:190 cals

Lunch: Sandwich, Peanut Butter and Jelly:421 (that’s FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY ONE) CALS

Dinner: Black Beans:170 cals

Snack: Oriental Snack Mix:32 cals

Excersize:

Swimming, Ocean, 75 min:533 cals burnt

Net: 281 cals

Today was full of mistakes and food. I need to get back on track.

~baby steps~