Someone Help Me~

9/4/11

'We have a problem, with no solution, but to love, and to be loved'

I just wish my fucking stretch marks would disappear. Can't they please just depart my body?

Today was okay. A little worse than okay.

O and I got a ride back from the shore from Matt, and his other friend also named Matt. It was a really fun ride! We rocked out to music with the windows down and it was pleasant. My mom and step dad are still down the shore. So tonight, it was to be: me, O, M, and Matt home. Matt ended up sleeping at his sponsors house.
Me and O invited over our good friend Ali, and her (kinda new) boyfriend. Ali suffers from mild anorexia and mild bulimia. I talk to her about it sometimes. But so, they came over for a little while, and we watched American Pie, and ordered <<<ugh>>> pizza. fml.
So then, I make plans with my friend Mickey and his friend Joey to come over later and go night swimming in our hot tub/pool. They were all for it, so they came over after the new episode of True Blood (can't believe the season ends so soon). We swam in my hot tub, and it was really fun! There was even (mild) flirting between Mickey and I. All of a sudden they decided to leave. They were just like, "alright we're gonna bounce". It made me feel like they just wanted to get out of there and couldn't stand me for another minute.
For the duration of the time Mickey and Joey were at my house, this kid Kevin was texting me. He's me and O's friend from camp. There'd always been some flirting between me and Kevin, and we tried to keep touch after camp but we couldn't. We talked for a while, and it was going good. But he had a kind of girlfriend that went to the camp, so we were just flirting. It was flirting that I felt bad about because of his kind of girlfriend. So tonight he contacted both me and O. It was the first time I'd talked to him since when we lost touch, which I was kind of resentful about. So he was being really nice tonight. And then he said he wanted to kiss me still, because it was something we'd expressed before. He's so sweet and kind and all that, so I said I still wanted to kiss him too, because I do. Then we started flirting mad hard, but I feel sometimes like he hits on most girls, and keeps his options open or something like that. Like I swear sometimes that he says the same things to O. I don't know where this could go. Possibly nowhere. Probably nowhere.

I've never had guys. Too fat for that. Too ugly for that.

So when Mickey and Joey left I felt shitty about the way that they left, so I ate the remaining 2 slices of dominos pizza. That's like.......500 calories. Someone fucking shoot me. I need to make up for that slip up tomorrow.
AND 2 days before school too! The last thing I need is more fat. I'm already drowning in it.

Someone help me feel better about myself.

Intake: (oh god)
Calories:
Breakfast- Picke:0 cals
Lunch- Hummus:45 cals; Pretzels:110 cals
Dinner- Pizza,1slice:272; Cheesy Bread,1/8:116 cals (SHOOT ME)
"Snacks"-Pizza,2slices:544 cals (I cannot believe myself)
Excersize:
Table Tennis:21 cals burnt
NET: 1,066. That's more than it's been for a while. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuc fu f


I need help. I need help. I need help.


~I just retreated into the womb. 9 months until I'll be at baby steps again~